I would like to welcome everyone to the official Gashouse Gorillas comedy blog! The ‘big wigs’ tell me that it’s the first of its kind. So that’s something I guess. I never thought that comedy could exist on the internet because frankly, there really isn’t anything funny about the internet to begin with. I mean, in an age where predators disguise themselves as young teens and arrange meetings with other younger people at the kids’ houses while their parents are nowhere to be found, come on. There’s nothing funny about that.
Have you ever seen that To Catch a Predator shit on television? It’s hysterical! I’m pretty confident that some of that has to be staged. Like they had that one guy whose voice was as high as fucking Minnie Mouse after sucking on a Helium hose for an hour? Remember him? He gets caught and they take him into custody and then he tries to kill himself with a pen in the interrogation room? It is by far the lamest, laziest, half-assed suicide attempt ever. Don’t arrest that guy! Give him a satellite radio show! Sirius would eat that shit up in five minutes. Well, it would more likely be on XM, but he could still swear and talk about how he loves kids and talking on MySpace!
What I also love about that show is that dick-bag of a host they have there. What’s his name? Oh yeah, Chris Hansen. This guy is great. I mean, he’s really the cat’s nuts. I’m pretty sure he thinks he’s an actual cop. I see the way he walks out from behind that curtain like he’s Captain King Shit XVI. You have to hand it to him though, the guy is so fucking confident! He just struts out there and looks those deadbeats square in the eye, sending chills and electricity down their dirty little spines and then, with all the gentleness of a nuturing best friend from some mid-80’s rom-com, he says, “How’s it going?” Like he’s the friendliest mother fucker in the world! Like he’s old college roommates with this kid toucher he’s standing next to! I really have to hand it to the guy, he’s the best fake cop since Morgan Freeman playing detective both on and off screen.
Apparently there are spin-offs to this show I just learned. THANKS WIKIPEDIA!!!!!! If Wikipedia was a real person, I would high-five it and then clink champagne flutes with it and then we’d take sips at the same time while crossing our arms around each other. Anyway, spin-offs to To Catch a Predator. According to my news leader, Wikipedia here, there is also: To Catch a Con-Man, To Catch an ID Thief, To Catch a Car Thief and To Catch an i-Jacker. That last show is about catching people jerking off on crowded subway cars in the middle of the afternoon. Kidding! It’s actually about catching people who steal other people’s iPods. Really? That shit’s a show? Why don’t you just call it Kids Who Were Bigger Than Me in High School Who Wanted the Shit I Worked Hard to Buy for Myself? I’m sure there will be more spin-offs to come too. How about To Catch a Lame-ass News Reporter Who Couldn’t Get a Front-End Desk Job So Now He Plays Pervert Buster on a Show That Airs After Mad Money But Before Princess Diana: A Life in Pictures? I would DVR a show with that title every night of the week.
-AJ
But honestly, the internet is a dangerous-ass place. Which is why I’m glad I don’t live there. New York City is much safer than the internet, but with just as much pornography. In any case, thanks for checking out the first comedy blog ever, ever, ever on the internet and I hope you check back often to laugh at the shit we write. After all, and don’t tell your doctor I told you, but laughing cures obesity. It can also help you quit smoking so you don’t have to buy that expensive gum. Shhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
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