Burn that Filth!

I was on an empty N train yesterday going downtown to find a flashy pair of shoes. I was hoping to find one with flames, or maybe a skull and crossbones type thing. Those designs were sure to make me look pretty alternative. The store I was going to was way downtown so I had time to kill on the subway. So there I was reading and minding my own business when I notice this girl giving me a look. As I said before, the train was empty so I could tell that this hate-filled glare was meant for me. My initial thought was that my fly was down. I had rushed out of the house to make the train. So I checked my interlocked crotch protector and found it zipped up tight--or at least tight enough.

So I decided that the only way to break this stare was to flat out ask her why she was looking at me. So I say, "Excuse me, is there something I can help you with?" She responded with,

"I'm sorry, I'm just too offended to speak to you right now."

"Well," I said, "if you don't tell me what I'm doing wrong then I'm afraid I'm just going to keep doing it."

"I'm just offended by you're book," she said. I looked down at my book.

"You're offended by Eastern European cinema?" I asked sarcastically.

"No, I don't even know what that means. But I am offended by the cover. Why is that girl naked? I find that very piggish."

"Piggish?" I replied. "I think you're just taking the picture out of context. It's just a random screen capture from a film. It's not meant to be dirty or anything. Please notice there is also a man playing a violin next to her."

"Exactly, the man is alive and playing his phallic violin and the woman is dead, naked, and probably raped."

"Phallic violin?" I asked. Then I said, "What can I do to make you not offended?"

"Well, for starters you can put some sort of cover over your book."

"I could do that. I'll stop reading right now and not pick this book up again until I've covered up this photographic injustice." She looked at me approvingly and said, "Thank you. That's a step in the right direction." I then asked,

"Just out of curiosity, what are you reading there?" She looked at me and smiled.

"It's just something my girlfriend read in like a day." Then she holds up this book. In bold, neon-green letters, the cover read:

SLUT: OR HOW A COLLEGE FRESHGURL HOOKED HER WAY THROUGH MED SCHOOL

- AJ